Perspective（13） "Holding hands"| There is one mother who told us, “I still can’t forget the joy when my
child held my hand for the first time.” We hope to give hope to parents
or guardians who struggle with feeling like, “I don’t know when my child
jumps out the street because of hyperactivity.” or “My child takes their
friend’s toy without asking and pushes them.” When such things happen, parents or guardians wear out their nerves, because they can’t leave their child unsupervised and have to hold their arm or wrist constantly. It’s not their intention to restrict their child. It’s more like they are facing difficulties because they care about their child and their safety. However, a child hasn’t developed their ability to understand the feelings of adults yet, so a child can’t understand why their parentｓ or guardians who are very important to them, struggle to stop their actions. A child wants to achieve their goal even if they shake off their parent’s or guardian’s hand and weaves their way. Therefore, adults become more and more careful and grow trapped in relationships of keeping a sharp eye on their child instead of enjoying their time together as a parent and a child. Feeling that they are in conflict with their parents, the child is eventually forced to submit to their control. This will result in a bad taste in everyone’s mouths. This is a case that often contributes to a sense of distrust. What should we do in such a difficult situation? At first, a child works toward their objective intently out of their desire and interests. If the child feels “My effort will be stopped”, they will respond by fighting to not be stopped against it. Therefore, adults need to think of a means of communication through which children can understand or accept their situation easily. In other words, a child needs an experience to feel that adults are people who can understand their feelings and are helping them achieve their desires. It is key for adults to build a relationship with children wherein they can feel relaxed being with adults who want to tell their feelings to adults. Specifically… first, we should prevent ourselves from grabbing a child’s hand or wrist hard. For example, we could hold out our hand to a child while speaking positively: “I’m going with you. Let’s hold hands.” At first, a child might shake off your hand because they feel you are trying to stop them, but you must try to encourage their trust patiently. We ought to support them when they try to accomplish something in other situations. They will come to accept you if they understand that you are not stopping them for no reason but are trying to help them. When they have achieved a sense of fulfillment through being understood by adults, they will come to express their feelings and hold your hand willingly. There is no child who likes to be scolded or have their actions impeded. When they realize that being with adults can be comfortable, they will not run out into the street by themselves and their actions will settle down. Then they start to learn how to accomplish things and use words by communicating with their trusted adults. |
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Social Welfare Corporation SUISEN FUKUSHIKAI
| Himejima Kodomoen | 6-3-33 Himejima, Nishiyodogawa-ku, Osaka 555-0033 TEL：06-6472-6001 
050-3541-8075 FAX：06-6472-6002 |