Perspective（16） "A child is trying hard to express themselves"| We need to have the ability to understand the meaning behind a child’s
facial expressions, behaviors and interests in case they can’t express
their feelings and thoughts with words. We should understand that they
are trying to express themselves as much as possible. Let’s consider this example: A child can’t stand not going to the same store and keeps getting stuck on a specific song. This child is an elementary student. When his favorite staff plays with other children, he can’t approach her. He wants her to pay attention to him, but this doesn’t always happen. Even at home, there are many things which he worries will happen. For example, his beloved mother’s condition is not good, she nags at his older brother who doesn’t do his homework, and fights with his father, etc. When these things happen, he almost always goes to this store on his way home and doesn’t move. We don’t know exactly what he is thinking, as he doesn’t tell us with words. However, what do you think he is feeling? There is a hint in the nice PR song at this store. The lyrics go like this, “♪Mixing warmth and smile to make juice, that is love… the connecting of hearts, that is love, love♪” This child desperately sings this song over and over. At our center, he sometimes sings the Sailor Moon’s theme song, “♪I’m sorry, I’m too shy. So I can only say it in a dream♪”. ・・・What do you think? We can guess how he is feeling! It is not enough that his mother and a member of staff stand by him. Together these adults need to look back at what has happened at home and at the center, and find out what the child is holding back, and what his dissatisfaction and worries are. After that, if they apologize by saying, “I’m sorry we didn’t realize.” and comfort the child. “Oh, you didn’t like to see our fight, did you?”, then the child can finally feel relieved. As a result, his actions say “Oh, you finally understand my feelings.” and he can leave the store. We often hear “My child keeps watching the same scene on TV or VTR” from other parents. When we ask them what kind of scene their child is watching, they usually say it is the scene of the mother and child playing together, family members having a happy time at home, monsters fighting each other, the hero getting into hot water, or the main child being scolded. All scenes are valuable messages which reflect the child’s feelings. And so, we should see the child’s behavior as an important factor in trying to express his/her happiness, difficulties, and worries, instead of easily deciding that the behavior is bad. There is no doubt that children wish to have a relaxing space, comfortable and secure relationships, and understanding people around them. |
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