When we hold individual or group consultations, a subject that often comes
up is “Problematic Behaviors (problematic for adults).” Let’s talk about
the problems that often occur at home. For example:
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When a mother is preparing a meal, her child comes to the kitchen even
though they were playing by themselves until then. They open cabinets and
drawers, and start taking out spoons and chopsticks. They touch dangerous
things such as the switches on the gas stove, knives, peelers, and play
with flying pans, pots, plates, etc.
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They touch their mother’s cosmetic bottles, lipsticks, and hair brushes,
and end up knocking them over. |
The child has trouble stopping, even though their mother tells them repeatedly,
“You’ll get hurt!”, or “It’s dangerous!” If their mother scolds them, they
start to cry, throw a tantrum, or try to touch it when their mother is
not looking. As a result, the adult is occupied mostly with how they can
get their child to leave, or stop their child from not doing something,
so they build fences, put in a lock or some kind of stopper, and hide things
in an act of desperation. How we can catch these “problematic behaviors”
and deal with them… It is important to have understanding from a child’s
perspective, as well as understanding things from the viewpoint of development,
human relationships and cognition. A child by no means wants to be injured
or cause their precious mother to worry. It is more of an indication of
the child’s curiosity; “I want to see, to try, and to know” in the process
of developing an attachment to their mother. (“What is she doing?”, “I
want to try it too.” and “Oh, that’s how it’s used!”, etc.) If you take
it this way, it will open the door to a solution that both the parent and
the child can mutually accept, instead of a means to simply stop problematic
behaviors.
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In cases where it is troublesome if the child touches it, no matter what,
you can use a lock or some kind of stopper. And instead, you can prepare
a place or things that your child is allowed to touch or try freely.
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You can try to communicate with them positively by showing them how to
do something, taking them by the hand and doing it together, and teaching
them how to do it, all the while telling them, “Please don’t touch this
by yourself.” |
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When you can get help from the father or grandparents, don’t just try hard
by yourself but create opportunities to enjoy together what your child
wants to do. |
If you devise it like this, your child will learn the nature and use of
things, and the relationship between things through fun interactions with
adults close to them. Children cultivate abilities to understand and think
(acknowledge or consider things) through their accumulation of experiences
which is encouraged by their motivations. I would be grateful if you could
take this opportunity to reconsider what kind of environment is best for
cultivating a child’s intellectual curiosity and self-esteem, and what
kind of relationship is mutually enjoyable for both the parent and the
child.
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050-3541-8075 FAX：06-6472-6002