Perspective（36） "To The Grandparents Who Provide Child-Raising Assistance"| Raising a child is a first for a young father and mother. It is important
for people around them to provide support and understanding, especially
for child-raising that needs special care regarding development, because
there are likely to be various difficulties. Today, let’s think about how
the support from the grandparents who are more experienced in life and
in child-raising can effectively be passed on to their child (especially,
the mother) or grandchild. This is the story of one mother. She caught a cold and asked for help from her parents. When she had a fever, she asked her mother to look after her child, to which her mother scathingly replied, “Stop whining about a fever. I had to work hard to raise you.” It was her mother’s way of showing encouragement, but she didn’t persevere and coldly decided not to ask again, and closed her mind to it. Another mother’s story was that she could get help from her mother, but her mother would point out things like not cleaning up properly many times. She was made to tidy up or do the laundry in the way instructed by her, which she had difficulty accepting, and so they always ended up fighting. Some grandmothers would convey their worries and constantly ask questions like, “Has your child started using words?” or “Don’t you need to train your child?” or “Why don’t you put your child into group care soon.” The mother would then react sharply against their own mother saying, “I’m doing my best!” There are also cases of a conflict being created because of differences in child-raising methods or discipline regarding food or snack giving, toileting, and so on. What kind of improvements are there? Many mothers say that they want their feelings of tiredness to be accepted as they are or that they just want to be listened to, and not told “Hang in there.”, or that the housework should be done under certain instructions. However, some mothers have no illusions and think any help is good even if methods are different, and leave it up to them. Of course, in some cases the support and consideration of the parents connect to the reassurance and motivation of the mother. It is important that adults have frank discussions and make firm decisions in each home, because there is no manual for how things should be when supporting a child. Grandparents have experiences of child-raising, so they can attend to their grandchildren with ease. However, they put pressure on their daughter, the mother, because of the parent - child relationship and their wish for her to be reliable. Or possibly they are concerned about their daughter and overly patient with her. The important thing is for a mother who is in the front line of child-raising to be able to raise her child with confidence and a calm mind. In order to do this, how about ①Carefully listening to the mother’s worries and appeals, ②Not just communicating your experiences of hardship, but also what made you suffer, perplexed, or happy, ③Discussing what kind of help is good, etc. With someone who has more experience in life helping to think things through, a mother’s worries about child-raising and burden will be definitely reduced. If they know that everyone struggled just the same, it will be a great weight off their shoulders, and will give them new motivation. It can be said that supporting a mother is key in supporting the healthy growth of your grandchild. |
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Social Welfare Corporation SUISEN FUKUSHIKAI
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